Attitude and Longitude

I belong to no church...

Once upon a time, I was a practicing Catholic.  At first, I unquestioningly embraced the teachings of the church... that is until I hit my young adult years and started questioning everything.  With all due respect to my friends and family members who are devoted Catholics, please know that I honor each person’s decision to walk the spiritual path that serves him or her best.  Even though I left the Roman Catholic Church, I have always loved that the word “catholic” is derived from the Greek root meaning “regarding the whole” and is more commonly referred to as meaning “universal.”  This is a poignant example of the truth found in the heart of the religion – in the birth of the message.  I also still practice (and pray) daily much of what I learned. 

This morning I awoke with a new level of clarity about the sacrament of confession.  It was something I hadn’t pondered for more than twenty years, but it had suddenly become clear to me why I had become so adamantly opposed to what I had been taught when I was little.  It was as if Martin Luther himself had visited me in my dreams!   

When I was a young person attending mass regularly, I could see the advantage of using confession as a purification process to prepare myself for the sacrament of communion. At some point, I decided that there was a something broken.  I couldn’t in good conscious practice this sacrament any longer.  So I stopped going to confession even though I struggled internally each time I attended church. 

Here’s why it seemed broken to me... As I saw it, I could disobey God’s commandments with the excuse that I am an imperfect being who is naturally prone to err and to sin.  I could privately confess my mistakes to a holy man – God’s representative – who is endowed with what seems like mystical, magical powers.  Somehow he has been given God’s permission to absolve me of the responsibility of the havoc my sins created in the world that week.  After that, I could go back out into the world and do it all again because this holy man would help me buy my way back into heaven the following weekend. 

As God’s emissary, the priest doles out penance, which involves supplicating in the pew afterward and reciting specific prayers a certain number of times.  Can you tell I had a problem with that too?  I always wondered how he knew how many of which prayer to assign.  I figured it had to do with the severity of the sin or the number of sins you confessed.  Maybe they teach a formula in the seminary.

This sin + that sin = a special combo of Hail Marys and Our Fathers.  If the sin is committed multiple times carry the 7 & multiply by 3, and depending on the answer, add on a Rosary... or a ½ dozen when there are multiple sins involved.

But I digress.  It’s true that confession made me feel more pure, righteous and holy for a time.  However, the idea that I could keep messing up and returning to the confessional for forgiveness and absolution bothered me.  Now I see that the potential to stunt personal growth is what got to me.  There’s a conflict here.  The church sermonizes that we should learn from our mistakes and grow, yet the implicit message is “Go ahead.  You can mess up over and over again – that’s why we’re here.”  This went beyond the mercy quotient as far as I was concerned and seemed a little too co-dependent.

And what if I keep God’s commandments so that I would have nothing to confess?  Ah, but we are told that this is not possible for we are imperfect sinners – redeemed but yet not redeemable.  In addition to my ability to reach my full potential being suppressed by the constant reminder that it isn’t possible, it’s an absolute requirement that I participate in the weekly confession process in order to receive the reward of the communion sacrament.  Jesus can only commune with me if I’m pure and forgiven by a priest?  Oh, and if I don’t participate in the sacraments, I risk Hell and condemnation. 

This carrot and stick approach assumes too much.  It’s the church’s forgone conclusion that I will sin because I cannot help myself.  It is as though I am an errant child who can’t and won’t ever know better.  Ironically, they taught me to know better... so well that I no longer sought confession because it seemed hollow, rote and unhelpful.

In spite of my misgivings and my disillusionment with the church’s approach, I recognize and honor the relief that confession brings.  The true release of the burden of guilt is a beautiful and sacred alchemy.  If profoundly felt and actively participated in, self-forgiveness is a powerful and memorable experience.  To know this aspect of God’s love and to take it deeply into your being is the most natural deterrent in the world from committing such a “sin” again. 

I have learned that lasting personal and spiritual growth truly occurs at the moment I embrace personal accountability.  If an intercessory, like a priest, is helpful in making a space for this to occur, then so be it.  I accept the possibility that even I will seek such a relationship in the future.  Maybe someday someone who’s specially gifted will help me in such a situation.  However, I choose not to abdicate the responsibility of my personal and spiritual growth to another entity, whether a person or an institution, in what I consider a carrot and stick system. 

For me, it wasn’t ever my faith that I questioned but, rather, my faith in a church to solely provide my spiritual guidance.  Even though I chose to leave the church and still belong to no church, I am in constant joy over how God works through my life.  I am a child of God – not a child of a church.

Life's too short to "die an unlived life"

Watching my kiddo, who’s now 16, often reminds me of how at her age I never thought about life being as short as it feels now that I’ve been journeying for awhile on the other side of 40!

All throughout this year, I’ve met with men and women displaced from their jobs now pondering what else they might do differently in their careers and with their lives in general.  Of course, many have felt panicked by external forces like the economy, but many have told me that they relish this opportunity to explore new options. 

Some want new careers altogether.  Like one client who is leaving a successful, but unfulfilling, career in high-tech to create a health coaching practice.  She first thought of doing this when her parents became ill a few years ago. She is moving forward today because of her husband’s recent cancer diagnosis.  Now she’s filled with excitement, hope and purpose for herself and for what she knows she can do to help her husband and others.

Some just want to re-prioritize their lives.  I will never forget one gentleman saying to me, “I was with the company for almost 17 years.  After they laid me off, I decided to spend this summer with my son who’s in the Boy Scouts.  We’ve been camping all over the southwest.  One thing I’ve learned is that when I get my next job, I’m going to make more time for my family.  No more 60-hour work weeks for me.”

Because of these many encounters and because of my own personal career transition, I strongly desire to help people shift into a direction they might be holding back from doing.  Maybe they haven’t dared to allow themselves to explore because it seems too hard, too scary, too self-indulgent, or, maybe, they simply don’t know where to start. 

My partner, Jay Markunas, and I created the tele-coaching program, “The Art of Finding a Career You Love,” to help people with a starting place.  On December 2, we’re teaming up for another session.  It’s 90-minutes over the phone, costs $59 and includes a DISC assessment and a 14-page self-analysis worksheet.  More at:  http://www.careerfindermethod.info

Sometimes all it takes is a few degrees of shift to feel more fulfilled, and it’s never too late.  I personally knew a 72-year old woman who finished beauty school because she always wanted to get her cosmetology license.  During our program in October, Jay told the story of a woman who became a doctor at 70.  Did you know that Ray Kroc, founder of McDonalds, started the business when he was 52? 

If, indeed, life is short, it’s definitely too short to “die an unlived life.”  After this year of working with such a large number of people shifting their lives forward, I have a new appreciation for the poem below that I previously shared on my very first post, Launch, back in July 2006. 

Sending you gratitude and warm wishes for a fulfilled life!
_________________

I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

--Dawna Markova

Throw every shred of negative thought into the consuming fires...

Though dramatic in its wording, this comment by Dale Carnegie rings through my mind today:  "Throw every shred of negative thought into the consuming fires and slam doors of steel upon every escape into the irresolute past."

Carnegie made this comment in one of his books while summing up a story about how Julius Caesar sailed with his army to conquer what we now know as England and then burned his own transport ships in the channel.  On seeing that, Caesar's troops were fully committed to the task ahead because they were unable to retreat. 

Again, this is dramatic image, but I always feel a renewed sense of commitment in November - when the old year is about to be declared "the irresolute past" and the new one looms on the horizon.  It's exciting to contemplate what I get to create next. 

For me, 2010 already holds great promise.  I see interesting projects ahead, and I don't need a crystal ball or a soothsayer to tell me this.  What I foresee is of my own wishing... and making.  However, in order to allow the successful birth of these projects... I must throw every shred of negative thought into the consuming fires.  I must have unwaivering commitment and conquer any doubts.

C'mon 2010, let's get going! 

Breaking free from the prisons of perceptions

There is nothing so confining as the prisons of our own perceptions. –William Shakespeare

Maybe it’s as simple as consenting to watch a television program your teenager likes – at first you think the program is silly, but then you see why she values it and then so do you.

Maybe it happens when you’re looking for a new job because yours has been eliminated and at first you don’t want to take that great job which will require a hour-long (or longer) commute, but you do it because it’s better than waiting for the economy to rebound next year.

Maybe you encounter it when your childhood-influenced prejudice falls away after interacting with the special terrific-ness of someone you never imagined you would admire and respect.

Maybe it’s a subtle kind of thing that comes upon you as you move through life, like when you find yourself understanding someone you’ve known for many years by seeing things in a way you never have before... from their perspective.

Whatever it is, whenever it is, breaking free from the prisons of perceptions can shift a troubled moment into one of peace and joy.  I find this a suitable motivation, don’t you?

The Art of Finding a Career You Love requires a whole-brained, balanced approach

I’m excited about the tele-coaching coaching session that my partner, Jay Markunas, and are teaming up to do together tonight.  The synchronistic way that it’s all come together still amazes me.  It’s got us wondering if we should perhaps offer this as an ongoing monthly program.  We’ll have to see!

This idea, which we’re calling “The Art of Finding a Career You Love,” came to us without us having to wrack our brains very much.  It kind of seized us and said, “Hey, there... listen up.”

When something finds me like this versus when I deliberately go looking for it, I think it’s especially fun to ponder the meaning.  Call it the philosopher in me, call it the spiritual seeker in me, call it the poet/intellectual in me.... but I love to see the connecting points and meanings in events, as well as in the words we use.  Interestingly, this is probably one of the qualities that allows me to be so helpful to others who enage my coaching services.

So yesterday I was wondering why in heck did Jay and I decide to call this coaching program, “The Art of Finding a Job You Love” – specifically, why is it the ART of...?  I mean, we didn’t really think about it – it just came to us as a package deal.  It said, “This is what you’re going to do and this is what it’s called.”  

Some thoughts that occurred to me:

Art, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, or in other words, each of us has a unique perspective.  What appeals to one person may not appeal to another.  One of my friends thinks Andy Warhol’s “32 Campbell’s Soup Cans” is not art at all – his idea of art (as is most people’s) would be Michelangelo’s work on the Sistine Chapel.  Like our tastes in art, our career choices are uniquely individual.

Art, they say, is a mainly right-brain directed activity, while science is a mainly left-brain directed activity.  Well, I can agree with that, but only up to a point.  I’d say that art and science both require inspiration to achieve leaps forward.  Most would agree that inspiration wouldn’t necessarily be considered a left-brain concept.  Besides the obvious reasoning that you need both hemispheres of the brain to function well at all, one can’t help but to see that art and science require actively engaging the right AND the left sides of the brain.  How else can you explain right-brain originated breakthroughs in science like Kekulé discovering the ring shape of the benzene molecule after dreaming of a snake seizing its own tail?  What about Da Vinci’s left-brained scientific studies of human anatomy and mechanical engineering?

“Art of” and “Love”... right brained.  “Finding” and “Career”... left-brained. 

Interestingly, our tele-coaching session tonight will be about the art of finding a career you love by accessing both brain hemispheres.  When we ask someone to fill out a 14-page worksheet filled with questions designed to pull out information that the right brain knows but the left brain might not be aware of (e.g. questions that access what one is passion about... what one loves to do), this is where the leaps forward begin.  When we ask that person to summarize, analyze the answers to these questions, as well as the results of a DISC assessment, we are taking information that the right brain so graciously provided so the left brain can make sense of it and apply it to the outer world.  This where the leaps forward really kick in!

So my ponderings have led me to see that “The Art of Finding a Career You Love” is really about passion AND research, which is a whole-brained, balanced approach.  That’s fine by me – I adore the balanced approach!

Are you doing the work that was born in you?

No man is born into the world whose work is not born with him. 
-James Russell Lowell

A few months ago, a woman at one my workshops was stumped with a series of questions during the group-sharing portion of the module.  The answer to these questions would reveal her childhood gifts and early interests, which would point the way to her work and the way she would do her her work in the world.

As the group continued through the other exercises (our intention was that each attendee walk away with an idea of their personal mission or purpose), this woman, a middle-school administrator, raised her hand.  When I acknowledged her, she excitedly told us that she'd figured out her answer and wanted to share her it.  Her enthusiasm was palpable, so even though we'd moved on to the next module, I encouraged her to tell us about her breakthrough. 

"Well," she began, "when I was a kid, I loved watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon.  You know, Jerry's kids?  Raising money for muscular dystrophy?"  

We all nodded, and she continued, "You asked us to think about what we wanted to be when we grew up, and I couldn't think of anything at first.  Then I remembered how I dreamed of being that little girl who held the basket during the telethon.  I wanted to do it so much that I would go around the neighborhood, getting all my friends together, and we'd have our own Jerry's Kids fundraisers.  I was only 9 at the time, but I see how this is still what I do to this day.  Organizing activities to help kids is still part of my work today!"

It's funny to me now that when I was a teenager, I had a pin button that said, "Work is a 4-letter word." Hey, wearing pin buttons were a fad when I was in high school, what can I say?  Anyway, today I think about that phrase and realize that when we do our work - I mean our real work, the work that was born in us, as James Russell Lowell so wisely points out - it doesn't feel like the 4-letter word my button implied.  Instead if feels like play (a much better 4-letter word!) and fun.  It feels natural, so natural that we are compelled to do the work.  If we deny ourselves the chance to do our work, we become mis-aligned, out of sorts, depressed, unhappy, angry, etc.

So, are you doing the work you love - the work that was born in you? 

Another "Act of Kindness" Sighting

My faith in humanity's capacity for compassion and gratitude was reinforced yesterday when I witnessed an act of kindness.  It was a lovely day, temps in the 70's, bright blue skies, beautifully sunny.  My friends and I met for lunch at one of Austin's best-known places to enjoy a good meal outdoors... Shady Grove on Barton Springs Road.  We weren't the only ones with this idea - the restaurant was packed!

Naturally, after we were seated the waiter left to fetch our drinks, giving us a few minutes to look over the menu.  He delivered our drinks, telling us that he'd be back in a minute, and moved a few steps over to the table next to us where 6 or 7 young men dressed in digi camo were enjoying their meals.  Before my friends and I could resume our small talk, we heard the waiter say to the soldiers, "Just wanted to let you guys know that your bill's been taken care of by that man sitting over there."

One of the young men (and I mean young... they all looked to be about 19 or 20 years old) asked, "Which man, is it the one over there in orange and blue?"  When the waiter said yes, the young soldiers all rose immediately and walked over to the table where this man and his family (consisting of two little kids and his wife) were getting up to leave after paying their own tab.  To a man, they shook his hand, saying thank you before going back through the busy restaurant to their table.

After witnessing this awesome moment, I went back to the conversation with my friends.  What an gracious act of kindness, I thought.  Not only to do it in the first place but to pick up what must have easily been a $90+ meal for those soldiers.  Later, as the young men stood up and started to leave, an older woman, probably in her late 40's, came over and boldly looked each one in the eye and thanked them for their service.  I couldn't miss this display as it happened right next to our table.  They politely accepted her comments, donned their black berets and filed out of the restaurant.  My patriotic heart was singing, but even more than that I was proud of my fellow civilians for unabashedly showing their gratitude for those who serve and defend our freedom.

After telling my husband this story, he showed me the website for The Gratitude Campaign.  This site has a short video encouraging and showing how to make a hand sign to express "thank you from the bottom of my heart" as a way to thank members of our military when you see them in public.   American Sign Language starts the sign for thank you from the chin, but, apparently, the original sign, started at the heart, as shown on this website.

Now I have a way to show them my gratitude next time too.  In the meantime... To all of the members of our military, active or inactive, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

For an extra degree of personal motivation, watch this!

The link to this video (see below) is buzzing around my local community.  I saw it courtesy of Launch Pad Job Club member, Lynn Wilson, who shared it with the membership courtesy of Pat Goodwin, our mutual and dear friend, who brought it to her attention.  

Very inspiring, so I wanted to be sure to share it here in case you haven't seen it yet.  Give this little video a few minutes of your time, and you'll feel an extra degree of personal motivation today!

www.212movie.com